Discouraged

It becomes more discouraging when more than one thing you want in life rejects you. One thing rejecting you is kind of a reminder like "okay, no worries I'll get the next one."

It hurts your guts when you realize the tenth thing you've tried for rejects you. You almost don't want to try anymore. That "I thought I had it" feeling turns into "I don't understand" which turns into "whats wrong with me?" and that turns into "I need a chocolate bar." But a chocolate bar won't fix it. I guess thats when the cycle restarts.

I just couldn't hold back the tears in my last class of the day today. Perhaps it is not as awful as when I found out I wasn't receiving FAFSA money. Maybe less heartbreaking than not getting the English Department Scholarship I worked so hard for. But I do really know what being crushed feels like today.

I need to go think of happier things.
My next post will have to be about something fun.
Perhaps my spring break pictures or something I have cooked.